some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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