He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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