I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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