Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
