can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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