I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize