This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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