He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
