guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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