i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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