She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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