dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
