so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
