Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
