My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
