Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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