Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
