I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
