he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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