You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
