Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
