ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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