why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
