Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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