He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My balls are so social today.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
