Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
