Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
