I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
