I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
