I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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