Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
