oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
