There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
