Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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