He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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