life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
