I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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