May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why did my mother make you get naked?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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