hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drunk is a universal language darling
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
