He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
