I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
