What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
