Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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