Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I could fuck to npr.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
