last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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