Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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