i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
