I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
