i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
