Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
