I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
