I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
