I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
