I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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